Renewed Purpose

Renew: give fresh life or strength to
Purpose: a person's sense of resolve or determination

During this journey, I have opened myself up…physically. Now it’s time to do it spiritually. With RENEWED PURPOSE (more on that toward the end).

This weekend we went to an awesome worship conference at MorningStar Ministries. Between the worship, the speakers, the prophecy booths, and the healing line…I should have been feeling much more than I did. It was then that I realized something. I didn’t feel much of anything, spiritually.

Now, before you start saying, “You’re a Christian, you are supposed to feel God all the time!” Believe me, I thought that myself. Yet, I wasn’t feeling things like I did a few months ago. Yes…I know God. Yes, it still “touched” me in my heart. But my spirit just wasn’t the same. I realized that is why I had been more depressed lately and more easily aggravated. Christians AREN’T perfect…we are just forgiven.  We ARE still human and we still have daily battles. Being a Christian just means we don’t have to do it alone. God is with us! Even if we don’t feel it.

Anyway, I had no clue why I had lost those feelings spiritually.  I only shared it with two people. My husband and my best friend. The ones, other than God, that I tell pretty much everything to. Feeling this way…NOT feeling…and finally realizing it…well it was scary. It hurt. I was upset. Even a little angry.  I mean, why me? What did I do or what didn’t I do that made me lose the feeling having the Spirit with me and feeling Him?

Some people may not understand what I am saying…and it’s ok. But others will totally understand. You can know God and be with God…but STILL not feel the Spirit with you like before. Kind of feeling numb inside at times. Unless you have felt it…you can’t ever know what NOT feeling it is like.

Well, it really got me to thinking about things. Wondering if it was something I did. Of course I had to search it out.  I found out that I am in pretty good company. There were many prophets and mighty men of God in the Bible who felt the same at some point in their lives.  David, Isaiah, Moses…so after realizing that, I didn’t feel quite as bad.  I was glad that I did some research.

Once I started questioning WHY…I started asking God to let me FEEL again. I realized that I hadn’t even been as emotional as I once was, spiritually. When I FEEL emotionally, I cry a lot. My daughter one time told me she hoped she wasn’t that emotional when she was my age.  LOL.

This morning before church, the media team met with the prayer team to have them pray with us and pray over us. It was then that God chose to pour out lots of FEELING on me. I definitely felt the Spirit of God all over me, all in me. As they were praying over me, it’s like a wall was broken down. I didn’t realize it was there until this past weekend. It was a wall that had been there for years until I finally got to know Holy Spirit, more, a few years ago. And somehow it had been built back.
Thankfully, just not as thick or tall as before. But no matter, God is bigger and stronger than any wall. God used some mighty prayer warriors to help me feel Holy Spirit in me again. It is MUCH more than a feeling…it’s a BEING.  Until you know it…I just can’t explain it.

As they were praying and I was crying (needed about 5 or 6 Kleenex) …I heard 2 words in my spirit. RENEWED PURPOSE. I knew it was God. Especially when I went and looked up the word definitions (just something I always like doing).  My friend, Patsy, was praying over me and kept praying for FRESH FIRE. New things.  That is what RENEWED means. Then Pastor spoke of the same thing today. Along with being a Warrior! Purpose means DETERMINATION. Warriors are very determined. And all weekend, people have told me that I am STRONG and BEAUTIFUL.

God has renewed me with a new determination…a new strength…a new fire. There is so much in store for now and the future. He is getting rid of the old hurts and healing them completely. He is opening me up for so much more!

Will I ever feel that way again? Possible. I’m human with human feelings and we easily get off track, get depressed, etc.  But no matter what…we MUST remember… For we walk by faith, not by sight. (2 Corinthians 5:7). Faith is NOT a feeling.  It’s something you do. It’s something you KNOW. It’s believing and trusting…even when you DON’T feel it. Yes, we want to FEEL God and Holy Spirit in us…but there are times we just need to KNOW, BELIEVE, TRUST…and let that be enough.

One thing I have learned…when you start asking to FEEL God…He may just let you.  It doesn’t happen to everyone like it did me. Sometimes, we will walk along and NOT feel it for a while. Just like the mighty ones in the Bible.a Just like some people may go through life never feeling that “NOT feeling the Spirit feeling”. Each person is different. I have definitely found that out. But no matter what…I will NEVER stop believing God. KNOWING who He is and what He is. I will never give up on Him because He has never given up on me!  If I was never able to FEEL again…I would still love God and follow HIM.

Transformation 517 Journey

Transformation 517 Journey

Why “Transformation 527”?

2 Corinthians 5:17 -- Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

I started this journey mid-February of this year (2016), so this is my 6-month check-in & check-up.

God is making me NEW! He has great plans for my life. Once I finally saw that I couldn’t do this alone…I started transforming.  Not just physically either!  I would say that you can only see it physically, but too many people have let me know they see the grown SPIRITUALLY and MENTALLY too!

I am more BOLD since I started this journey. I am putting each step of this transformation journey out there for the world to see. Why? Because it’s not just about me.  GOD is #1 in this journey and I have to keep that in prospective. When I start thinking about what I am doing…I remember it’s not me. Without GOD, I could NOT do any of this.  I do not have the strength, the patience, the ability, or the motivation to do this without HIM.

I have learned so much about myself IN God through this.  I CAN do much more than I ever thought possible…because with Him…ALL things are possible.

Sometimes, I do find myself over-doing it though. I have found myself injured and hurting a couple of times. And that comes from MY stubbornness…not God.  I am a Christian…but I am still human and hard headed at times.  Lol It’s hard for me to stop when I start something. Like the 5k. I was half way through…so I wanted to finish. Sometimes, I guess, BOLD can be too bold. And it’s ok. I dealt with it and God loves me just as much as if I didn’t still have that stubborn streak. Plus, I know my Heavenly Daddy has a sense of humor…so He just shakes his head at me sometimes.

He also knows that stubborn steak of mine and likes it many times. He knows that He will be able to USE that for HIS glory and use it to keep me going…especially when I feel like giving up. He will be able to use it when He needs me to help someone who doesn’t think they need it. I will be their friend…good, bad, indifferent. Until they see they can trust me.  Yes, stubborn can be good sometimes.

So…about my journey. There are things it IS and things it IS NOT…

What it is NOT…

•  It is NOT just about physical weight loss

It’s as much spiritual and mental as it is physical. I have lost just as much “spiritual/mental” weight as I have physical.

•  It is NOT a magic pill, magic shot, gimmick, or diet.

It’s hard work, dedication, eating nutritiously (80% of the time  lol), and exercise

• It’s NOT just about me.

I started out doing this for me. But it didn’t take long before I KNEW I couldn’t do it alone. I definitely had to let God in! I want all that I do…all of my movements…ALL of it to glorify HIM. I want to help others the way that He is helping me. I want to be able to share what He has done and help others learn the same!

•  It is NOT about looking good, getting skinny, wearing cute clothes, etc.

YES…all of those things are GREAT side effects of my weight loss.  But I am doing this to be HEALTHY. To be WHOLE. To find the REAL me.  Not the me that feels she isn’t good enough. I am finding who I am in CHRIST! When I know WHOSE I am…I can love MYSELF. And I do, now. Granted, I might not always like me…but I do LOVE me, now!

What it IS…

This Transformation Journey is so much more than words can describe! It is learning about ME. It is learning about GOD. It is learning about nutrition. About health. About my body. About what I can do…and even what I can’t. For at least right now.  It’s about seeing where God is leading me and seeing new dreams come to life. It’s about God moving me way outside of my box and making me see myself as HE wants me to see me. It’s about knowing WHO I belong to.

It’s about knowing that because of who I belong to…I can do ALL things through Christ. Yes…there are things that I can’t do, physically, at the moment. But in my mind, I CAN…and because of that…I believe that I WILL. I DO believe in healing….and I believe that sometimes it’s instantaneous and sometimes it comes in time.  I DO know that God has healed me in many ways. Especially emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Even physically. I have a way to go on all accounts…but much of that’s on me and how that stubbornness thing works.  But I KNOW that I know that I know that -- I AM HEALED!

Right now, I can use the dis-abilities and un-abilities that I have to help others that think they can’t do it because of their own disabilities. What satan tried to use for harm…GOD is just turning around and using for GOOD and HIS glory! And that is one thing I want to do…help others that think they can’t. I know they can. Why? Because I didn't think that I could...but I CAN and I AM. God has been there each step of the way!

So, sure, you can see that weight loss is a big part of this journey…but it’s not the ONLY part…or the biggest part. And it’s way more than physical! <3

Thank you for all of your encouragement, prayers, and inspiration. It helps keep me going on the days that I don’t feel like moving. God is AWESOME and will definitely NOT let me give up! He keeps moving me forward!